


Wherein Pike is the Best Advisor Ever

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [24]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Years (Rambleverse Timeline), Gen, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, Kirk's Temporary Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-13
Updated: 2009-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 12:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See, when Pike threatens Jim with physical harm, that's a win for Jim. If the encounter then progresses to Pike actually <i>committing</i> physical harm, well, that's a lose. Jim's current spread is 28.750% (threat), 8.042% (violence), and 59.565% (neither) with a 3.643% margin of error for those times when Jim isn't sure whether Pike's stylistic method of verbal encouragement constitutes a threat or if elbowing Jim in the ribs is really an accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Pike is the Best Advisor Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically set during Kirk's Temporary Captaincy, but the bulk of it is a flashback to his time at the Academy.
> 
> Warning: Kirk uses an ablist slur.

Jim has been thinking about Bones' bourbon a lot, lately. He never used to like the stuff but his tastes have become more refined since ascending to the captaincy. Also, Pike confiscated all of his vodka and Red Bull, claiming it didn't count as an "administrative aid." Jim had a full response to that one, consisting primarily of a trenchant accusation of bait-and-switch (Pike never once during his little destiny spiel mentioned all the fucking _paperwork_ ) but Jim couldn't bring himself to say an unkind word to a poor crippled bastard so he just glared a lot and maybe flipped Pike the bird when he wasn't looking. It was hardly a satisfactory response, but then again Pike dies a little inside every time people treat him nicely because of his disability so maybe Jim won that round after all.

Jim reminds himself to make a decision on that issue soon, or else he risks compromising his data. See, when Pike threatens Jim with physical harm, that's a win for Jim. If the encounter then progresses to Pike actually _committing_ physical harm, well, that's a lose. Jim's current spread is 28.750% (threat), 8.042% (violence), and 59.565% (neither) with a 3.643% margin of error for those times when Jim isn't sure whether Pike's stylistic method of verbal encouragement constitutes a threat or if elbowing Jim in the ribs is really an accident. Jim has detailed notes on each of these encounters just in case he wants to create a more nuanced model, like maybe something to analyze Pike's ratio of eye-rolls to sighs of endless weariness. Bones calls him "obsessive" but whatever, Jim totally aced his Stats class. The professor encouraged them to create models using real-life data which interested them, ok? It's a perfectly legitimate method of study.

In fact, Jim wanted to submit the work as his final project, but he was worried that it might invite unwanted attention. Jim is hardcore so it's not like Pike ever caused real damage or anything, but if Bones' reaction taught him in anything it's that some people just don't understand the awesomeness of Jim and Pike's relationship. In all honesty Jim shares Bones' suspicion that academic advisors aren't actually allowed to initiate sparring sessions with cadets in their offices, but he's less upset about that than about the little rope trick that Pike assured him would be covered in advanced hand-to-hand combat even though it totally fucking wasn't and the instructor looked at Jim like he was crazy when he asked. It was an awesome rope trick so Jim burst into Pike's office the next day in a blaze of righteous fury to demand a second demonstration.

It wasn't his most brilliant moment, Jim is man enough to admit that, but he would have held his own if it weren't for that stupid doohickey Pike claimed was a paperweight. True, most of the time it was, in fact, being used to weight down papers (or stacks of PADDs that didn't actually need weighting down, whatever) but while it is reasonable to define an object by its function, that method presumes an object only has one function. When performing other functions, does the identity of an object change? At what point during Captain Pike's downswing did the object evolve from 'paperweight' to 'hurty thing?' It is a philosophical distinction, understand.

Pike is usually willing to discuss philosophical distinctions at length but that day he just handed Jim back his shoes and told him to get the hell out of his office. It was quite the learning experience. Sure, Jim had been cranky at the time, but before he'd even made it to Bones' room to beg for some painkillers Jim had realized that Pike was the best advisor _ever_. As he explained to Bones and Bones' crazy eyebrow, sure Jim could transfer to some crusty admiral who wouldn't kick his ass all the time or, you know, look _disappointed_ in that really upsetting way, but then Jim would miss out on so many of these valuable lessons.

And besides, it never feels quite as good when anyone else pats Jim on the shoulder and says, "Good job. I'm proud of you."

It was about this time that Bones started leaving excerpts from psychology texts lying around where Jim would see them. Jim really has no idea why. Bones is so weird sometimes.


End file.
